vapor whores

F claims there's this apartment in his building that is inhabited by a whore, but since I've NEVER seen one person, let alone a john-type person or a whore-type person at that apartment, I'm pretty convinced he's making her up. To add to it, he claims that he sees her sometimes with a client, but it's suspiciously RIGHT AFTER I LEAVE. So tonight when he called me to tell me he'd just seen her leave with a 40-45 year old man, who is different than all the other men the "whore" supposedly has in and out of there, I told him I think his "whore" is imaginary and it makes me a little sad. I mean, isn't it sad that I have a boyfriend with imaginary friends and they are whores?

Me: Maybe you could go out when you smell that whore smell, because you know they have a distinctive aroma, and catch her on film! And then yell, "Citizen's arrest, you dirty whore!"
Him: Shut up.
Me: When you move here, maybe we can pick a house on the block and pretend a prostitute lives there. I'll be all, "Honey, there's the whore! Let's stone her!"
Him: Shut up.

I called him about ten minutes after the "whore spotting" call:

Me: **whispering** I think there's a monkey in the basement!
Him: What? A monkey?!
Me: Yeah. Except if you come over to see him, I think he'd disappear.
Him: I hate you.