one arm

Okay, Paramount has optioned "One Shot," an outstanding Lee Child novel featuring Jack Reacher. Reacher will kill you silently with a KFC spork, then seduce your sister at the funeral. Reacher is the baddest bad-assed motherfucker ever in books and if they screw up the casting, I will be stabbing-angry. I've been obsessed with these books for almost ten years and keep wishing there was at least ONE other author who comes close to having a character that exhibits the sheer, unbridled savagery of Reacher's dark side.

Tom Cruise is producing it. Jack Reacher is 6'5", between 220-250 lbs. If Cruise steps into the lead role, I'm hunting him down at the Scientology compound in the hills of L.A. and beating him to death with Katie Holmes' torn-off arm. (Please, like you're not looking for any excuse to do the same.)

My bro' Dave and I have come up with a list of possible Reacher candidates:

1. Liam Neeson (me)
1. Michael Madsen (Dave)
2. Michael Madsen (me--I don't think Madsen can keep the fattyfatfat or the crazy off himself long enough to work for Cruise)
2. Hugh Jackman (Dave)
3. Hugh Jackman (me)
4. Christian Bale (me)

Dave's stolen too many of my other picks, so he only gets credit for the two.

Other possibilities (based on size and acting abilities): Matthew McConaughey, Gabriel Byrne, George Clooney.

Please don't fuck this up, Tom Cruise. Katie's arm-life depends on it.